“But Mom, we can’t celebrate Hanukkah—because then Santa won’t come, right?”
This was the question from my clearly worried 7-year old last December as we prepared to celebrate our first Hanukkah. And just like that, all of the confusing family issues surrounding my conversion to Judaism were distilled into one simple, innocent wondering. In that moment, standing there in the kitchen with my youngest son, there was really only one answer: “No, sweetie… Santa loves Hanukkah!”
I tell this story in answer to a question I’m getting a lot recently, since I converted to Judaism this past spring and am committed to raising my children as Jews: “Just how does your family celebrate the holidays now?”
As with most things in life that really matter, a full and honest answer is not a simple one. My husband isn’t Jewish, and doesn’t plan to become Jewish, but he is supportive—and for the last almost two years, our boys and I have been moving into Judaism in meaningful, deliberate ways. We light Shabbat candles on Friday night, regularly attend synagogue, and celebrate holidays with friends. I converted this past April. As of this fall, the kids are learning Hebrew and attending religious school on Sunday mornings.
They increasingly think of themselves as Jewish. At the beginning of this school year, my 6th grader came home from youth group and exclaimed, “Mom, I’m not the only Jewish kid at school!” And the other day when I caught him watching YouTube videos instead of cleaning his room, I had a hard time feigning anger; he was watching “Candlelight,” the Maccabeats’s Hanukkah song, on my laptop.
Their growing sense of Jewish identity and at-home-ness in Judaism gives me a deep sense of joy, and a fair amount of relief. I am glad to know that they will grow up with a sense of belonging, even though they were 7 and 9 before we found our permanent religious home. (Read my previous essay, “Choosing My Religion,” for more on the importance of having a religious home.)
But now, we find ourselves faced with a choosing-Judaism holiday dilemma: What do we do with Santa?
Santa and other Christmas-related accessories like the tree and stockings never had religious significance for us, because we’ve never, as a family, identified as Christian. It was all more about family and childhood memories; my husband and I grew up with those traditions, and handing down traditions is a natural thing to do.
In hindsight, it would have been a great idea to tell the kids the “truth” about Santa earlier this year—maybe this past summer, if I’d had the idea then… but I didn’t, and now it’s December. The kids got letters from “Santa” in the mail the other day. I don’t know which children’s magazine or toy company sent them, and it doesn’t really matter—the only thing I know for sure is that those letters made my kids’ eyes light up with the magic of Santa and prancing reindeer. If I dispelled the Santa myth now, it would be a cruel crushing of childhood spirit.
Meanwhile, we have a new menorah for Hanukkah this year, adding to the one the boys and I handmade from Sculpey clay last year. We’re excited about new latke recipes, and we have plans to attend a Hanukkah party. Santa feels increasingly out of place! And yet, it’s looking like he’ll be making one last visit to our house this year.
And with that, we come to the heart of the matter. The last thing in the world I want to do is have the kids associate our move into Judaism with some kind of loss. Judaism can’t be the reason that Santa doesn’t come to our house anymore. Our becoming Jewish should only be associated with positive gains: newfound community, meaningful holiday traditions, and the gift of our lives being grounded in and guided by Torah.
If the kids still believe in Santa next summer, I’ll tell them then. That way, it won’t be because of Hanukkah or Judaism; it’ll be because they are of the age when they can understand such things. Also, I imagine it’d save my middle schooler from ridicule that’s sure to come if he continues to “believe.”
But for this year? Well, we don’t have a chimney, so Santa will have to come in through the front door. This gives him an opportunity to kiss the mezuzah as he enters. Oh, and he’s changed his flight trajectory this year—it turns out he can’t get here until the last evening of Hanukkah. That’s okay; we’ll still leave him a plate of cookies. And latkes! I hear he’s a big fan of latkes….
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Photo by Hannah Born (Attribution via Flickr Creative Commons)
“On Hanukkah and Christmas, the shared theme of the miracle of light (whether from a guiding star or oil that burned for eight nights) is probably not a coincidence. Both traditions function to ward off the dark of the winter solstice. This synchronicity, and the evidence that religions co-evolve, influence each other, and respond to the same human needs, provides a key moment of identity integration for interfaith children.”
Susan Katz Miller, Huff Po
And santa isn’t associated with any particular religion, he is a character of childhood magic. My daughter thinks Santa is a rabbi cus he has a beard , LOL.
I would explain Santa this way… The spirit of Santa is not attached to any one religion, but instead represents the spirit of giving for all people. So, Santa is in everyone and should live in us all all year-roung. He is there when you give gifts for any reason — toys or cookies or even a smile or a hug. Those are all gifts we all can give at any time.
Santa is usually associated with the festival of lights that actually represent several belief systems. So, whether you are lighting the menora or your yule log, let us bring in a new year with a smile, something sweet and with gifting, for whatever reason.
I’m Muslim and I try to be a Santa every day, but at this time of year I give cookies to all my friends, of every religion or non-religion.
My eldest revealed to us that he no longer believes. I’m expecting that this is our youngests last year believing as well. While my wife greats this with sadness, I am a bit relieved. I have had a hard time with this holiday for years, for a lot of reasons. I know they are a long way from seeing “Santa” as I do, but I look forward to the time when I can at least tell them.
I can whole-heartedly agree that changes should accentuate the positive. Best wishes on finding the right positive notes in this change, whether you do it now, next summer, or some other time.
Hope the holidays get easier for you. The girls have always celebrated Hanukkah, to them Santa and Christmas was something their Christian friend celebrated.
Santa (Saint Nicholas) was a bishop and although the spirit of Santa may not be associated with any one religion it did began as a Christian thing. Christ Mass (Christmas) was the Mass after the death of Christ. All sounds very Christian to me, not a problem, just sayin!
Happy Holidays to everyone!
While it is true that Santa Claus originated in European Christianity, it is more of a cultural trope than a sacred religious concept, and has further evolved into the central figure of American civil religion’s “holiday season”. Santa Claus is not integral to the religious observance of Christmas (if anything, I think he’s a distraction from it). If non-Christians can find value in the spirit of generosity and warmth that Santa Claus represents, maybe there’s hope for him after all. Having been somewhat disillusioned with Santa and the holiday season, I am intrigued by the possibility of celebrating Santa as a shared, explicitly non-religious cultural icon. There could be redeeming value in that.
Well, I’m a Neo-Pagan, and Santa was originally ours. Like the Christmas tree and the Yule log, and – I believe – the Wassail cup, caroling and so much else, Santa Claus came into Christianity from Pagan traditions in Northern Europe. So “lending him” to another religion is nothing new to us. The idea of a benevolent, jolly, giving winter spirit is as old as time, too good not to share freely, and just as relevant today as it ever was! Happy Holidays to you and yours, whatever your tradition and beliefs.